Friday Funny: US to be Oil-Free in Less Than 3,000 Years, Vows Bush

The Onion reports on President Bush's "aggressive initiative" to eliminate oil dependence by 4920. The auto industry isn't so sure.
August 12, 2005, 2pm PDT | Michael Dudley
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"WASHINGTON, DC — President Bush unveiled an aggressive initiative Monday that would make the U.S. free of petroleum dependence by the year 4920, less than three millennia from now.

"'Our mission is clear,' Bush said in a speech delivered at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. 'We must free ourselves from dependence on fossil fuels within 85 generations. A cleaner, safer America is my vision. And it is our great, great—great-times-80 grandchildren who will realize that vision.'

"Bush promised a legislative package that would mandate severe cuts in oil-production subsidies and provide new funding for alternative-energy research and development. According to the timetable he presented, these bills could be introduced as early as 3219, and U.S. energy consumers could start to see radical changes by the early 42nd century."

Thanks to Michael Dudley

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Published on Wednesday, August 10, 2005 in The Onion
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