Friday Funny: A Satirical Adaptation of 'The Best of All Possible Worlds' from Candide

Twitter user @transbay recently shared a lyrical adaptation of the song "The Best of All Possible Worlds" from the operetta Candid, written by Leonard Bernstein.

The operetta is based on the famous philosophical satire by the same name written by Voltaire in the 18th century, written as a counterargument to a school of theological thought promoted most successfully at the time by Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz—optimism, because we live in the best of all possible worlds.

The version put forward by @transbay is titled "The Best of All Possible Plans," and it replays a scene from the operetta when a learned scholar instructs a young group of naïve newcomers. In Voltaire and Bernstein's telling, this is where Doctor Pangloss teaches Candide and his peers about optimism. In @transbay's telling, this where an anonymous "Planning Director" teaches Candide and his young planning colleagues about the authority of 20th century planning orthodoxy.

According to the Tweet sharing the adaptation, the satire and criticism of the adaptation is targeted at American exceptionalism and the "Not Invented Here" culture that sometimes shuts off the field of planning from new ideas. The question of whether the next generation of planners will learn from the unintended consequences and outright mistakes of the status quo and reject the orthodoxies of previous generations regarding cities and mobility, is still very much undetermined.

"The Best of All Possible Plans"

PLANNING DIRECTOR (aka DR. PANGLOSS)
Welcome, my friends, to urban planning!

NEW PLANNERS (aka CUNEGONDE, PAQUETTE, MAXIMILIAN, CANDIDE)
No doubt we'll find this quite enchanting.

DIRECTOR
Once one dismisses the rest of all possible plans,
One finds that ours is the best of all possible plans!

PLANNERS
Once one dismisses the rest of all possible plans,
One finds that ours is the best of all possible plans!

DIRECTOR
Let us discuss
Transit and land use.

MAXIMILIAN
I take the bus!

PAQUETTE
Jane is my grand muse!

DIRECTOR
No one can teach us,
For our plans are always the best.

CANDIDE
No one can coach us,
For our plans will beat all the rest.

MAXIMILIAN
Objection!
What about bikes?

DIRECTOR
Bikes!
We pioneered the bike sharrow
Because it's hard when streets narrow
To make the case
To save some space
For total separation.

PLANNERS
A trusty imitation!

DIRECTOR
In Amsterdam they built some lanes
That give bikes full protection.
But that is there and this is here,
And meanwhile don't forget that we're
Asked to preserve all parking.

PLANNERS
Because the car will stay king!

DIRECTOR
Jane Jacobs rules,
Let us salute her!

PLANNERS
Moses the tool,
Chief troublemaker!

DIRECTOR
This is the truth in
The best of all possible plans.

MAXIMILIAN
Our plan forsooth is
The best of all possible plans!

CANDIDE
Objection!
What about trains?

DIRECTOR
Trains!
We build new subways at great cost,
Along the way some funds are lost,
I'm not sure where,
But no one cares
To ruffle any feathers.

PLANNERS
Perhaps it's just our weather!

DIRECTOR
Our new projects may malfunction
But mostly hold together;
Though other countries build for cheap
Above all we're the most unique,
So how dare they pass judgment!

PLANNERS
We stay on time and budget!

DIRECTOR
CEQA we hail,
CEQA's our calling!

PLANNERS
CEQA we hail,
CEQA's our calling!

DIRECTOR
Proving that this is
The best of all possible plans.

PLANNERS
Study all impacts,
The best of all possible plans.

DIRECTOR + PLANNERS (repeated, overlapping)
Vehicle miles traveled!
VMT!
CEQA we hail,
CEQA's our calling!

ALL (together)
Vehicle miles traveled
In this best of all
Possible, possible, possible plans!
Vehicle miles traveled!
V!
M!
T!

[Lyrics adapted by Twitter user @Transbay and reproduced with permission.]

And here is a version of "The Best of All Possible Worlds," as composed by Leonard Bernstein, to listen along with.