Congress to Bail Out the Football Stadium Industry

All ideas are on the table in an effort to revive the struggling football stadium construction industry.

The responsibility to fund the construction of new, lavish football stadiums to house the National Football League has traditionally fallen to taxpayers, but after a building boom spanning the last several years, a glut in football stadium supply has led to layoffs, declining wages, and decreasing tax revenues for local and state governments. A shortage of professional football leagues is also contributing to the football stadium construction industry's doldrums.

A bipartisan ad-hoc committee House committee convened for the first time today in an effort to address the national football stadium construction crisis, making clear that Congress intended to bail out the football stadium construction industry.

"Now that the NFL has moved to Los Angeles, and ditched those backwater dead-ends from whence they came, the football stadium industry will need new kinds of support to keep up its taxpayer subsidized quest for world domination. That's where Congress comes in," said a noticeably smug committee chairman Jerry Davis-Kraft, who spoke on behalf of all Americans.

Options discussed at the first hearing of the committee included layering NFLs on top of each other to create more need for football stadiums as well as potentially invading foreign countries and setting up American-style football leagues. A sub-committee meeting scheduled for later in the day is tasked with locating any and all urban waterfront locations in the country, except St. Louis and San Diego, for potential development.