The lengths to which cities have gone, or will go, in their bids to attract the second headquarters for Amazon has produced a cottage industry of media coverage. Satire from The Onion follows that trail to its most explosive of possible ends.
Satirical news website The Onion imagines a world were Philadelphia is so confident that Amazon will located its second headquarters in Philadelphia, that it's willing to raze its entire Center City.
Here’s the lede from a fake news article:
Convinced they will win the highly competitive contest to host the e-commerce giant’s new offices, optimistic local officials have preemptively razed Philadelphia’s entire Center City district to make room for Amazon’s second North American headquarters, sources said Thursday.
Unlike the brief format The Onion usually devotes to urbanism-related stories, this article is written like a front-page story, with a fake image of Center City being reduced to rubble by demolitions, pull quotes, and even fake quotes from the likes of the real mayor, Jim Kenney. "After taking a look at the competition and figuring we probably have this thing in the bag, we just went ahead and tore down Center City so Amazon can move right in," says the fake quote from the mayor included in the article. More dandies like that follow. "It was definitely bittersweet saying goodbye to the Liberty Bell before our controlled demolition of Independence Hall, but it’s important we encourage businesses to invest in the city," adds Kenney.
Read to the end for a kicker that everyone, save 237 of the 238 total applicants for Amazon's request for proposals, sees coming.
Read the full story: Confident Philadelphia Officials Preemptively Raze Center City To Make Room For Amazon Headquarters
Petition Seeks Landmark Status for Philadelphia's Four Seasons
Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Was that not clear?
What About the 218 Left Behind By Amazon?
A CityLab article surveys Twitter for the seven stages of Amazon grief.
Friday Funny: The Onion Imagines a Slightly Sympathetic Jeff Bezos
The Onion is satire, so we'll never know if Jeff Bezos felt sorry for any of the cities wasting time and money on a pitch to win Amazon's second headquarters.
Planetizen Federal Action Tracker
A weekly monitor of how Trump’s orders and actions are impacting planners and planning in America.
California plans to bury El Niño’s downpour
If the state plays its cards right, it may be able to store a billion acre-feet of El Niño’s water in aquifers.
Desperate measures: Advocates weigh draining Lake Powell to fill Colorado River
Draining the reservoir could reduce evaporation losses by a couple hundred thousand acre-feet.
US buildings threatened, destroyed by fires set to triple by 2060
Researchers found a high fire risk for socioeconomically vulnerable neighborhoods in the American West.
LA residents may be allowed to paint their own crosswalks
Councilwoman Katy Yaroslavsky put out a motion instructing the Los Angeles Department of Public Transportation to study the feasibility of allowing volunteers to paint crosswalks.
Dallas moves to overhaul its zoning code
The city's zoning reform will allow more multi-family and mixed-use developments.
FREE Course: Walkable City 1: Why Walkability?
After describing his path towards focusing on walkability as the essence of good planning, Jeff Speck marches through his five principal reasons for making more walkable places.
Reinventing Malls: Planning Alchemy—Turning Gray Fields Into Gold
The course focuses on the opportunities and imperatives that shape reinvention of mall sites.
City of Rosemead
Rutgers University, Edward J. Bloustein School of Planning and Public Policy
One Hundred Miles
Hunter College, City University of New York (CUNY)
The Architects Foundation
University of Cincinnati Online
City of Cambridge
Montrose County
The Pocatello Development Authority