Friday Funny: Here's Where Cows Could Take Over the United States

Vox imagines a world in which cows stage a military coup.

1 minute read

May 13, 2016, 5:00 AM PDT

By James Brasuell @CasualBrasuell


Cows and Railroad Tracks

The coup could begin when the cows target transportation and freight routes. | keantian / Shutterstock

This bit of imaginative explanation by Zachary Crockett asks readers to imagine the results of hypothetical military coup, perpetrated by the nation's cows.

To set the scary but amusing doomsday scenario in motion, Crockett points out the obvious size advantage of cows (i.e., "the wide-eyed, cantankerous varmints outweigh us [Americans] by 66 billion pounds") and their tendency toward violence (i.e., "they maul about 20 of us [Americans] to death each year").

The larger point of the article is to illustrate how much of the country is populated more with bovine than brethren. True, there is one cow for every 3.5 humans in the United States, but there are nine states where humans are easily outnumbered by cows.

Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Nebraska, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Dakota, and Wyoming all have more cows than humans. Nebraska has the largest population of cows, with 6.4 million, and a 3.4 to 1 ratio of cows to humans. South Dakota has the largest ratio of cows to human, 4.5 to 1. The article also includes infographics to illustrate these statistics and come fun cow GIFs, if you're into that sort of thing. Also included is a brief history of how so many of the nation's cows came to reside in the Great Plains.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016 in Vox

portrait of professional woman

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching. Mary G., Urban Planner

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching.

Mary G., Urban Planner

Use Code 25for25 at checkout for 25% off an annual plan!

Interior of Place Versailles mall in Montreal, Canada.

Montreal Mall to Become 6,000 Housing Units

Place Versailles will be transformed into a mixed-use complex over the next 25 years.

May 22, 2025 - CBC

Logo for Planetizen Federal Action Tracker with black and white image of U.S. Capitol with water ripple overlay.

Planetizen Federal Action Tracker

A weekly monitor of how Trump’s orders and actions are impacting planners and planning in America.

May 28, 2025 - Diana Ionescu

Rendering of California High-Speed Rail station with bullet train.

California High-Speed Rail's Plan to Right Itself

The railroad's new CEO thinks he can get the project back on track. The stars will need to align this summer.

May 19, 2025 - Benjamin Schneider

Nevada State Senate building.

Nevada Legislature Unanimously Passes Regional Rail Bill

If signed by the governor, the bill will create a task force aimed at developing a regional passenger rail system.

May 28 - KRNV News 4

Blue sidewalk curb cut painted with white accessibility symbol.

How Infrastructure Shapes Public Trust

A city engineer argues that planners must go beyond code compliance to ensure public infrastructure is truly accessible to all users.

May 28 - Governing

Protester at Echo Park Lake, Los Angeles holding sign that says "Housing is a human right"

Photos: In Over a Dozen Cities, Housing Activists Connect HUD Cuts and Local Issues

We share images from six of the cities around the country where members of three national organizing networks took action on May 20 to protest cuts to federal housing funding and lift up local solutions.

May 28 - Shelterforce Magazine