The lengths to which cities have gone, or will go, in their bids to attract the second headquarters for Amazon has produced a cottage industry of media coverage. Satire from The Onion follows that trail to its most explosive of possible ends.
Satirical news website The Onion imagines a world were Philadelphia is so confident that Amazon will located its second headquarters in Philadelphia, that it's willing to raze its entire Center City.
Here’s the lede from a fake news article:
Convinced they will win the highly competitive contest to host the e-commerce giant’s new offices, optimistic local officials have preemptively razed Philadelphia’s entire Center City district to make room for Amazon’s second North American headquarters, sources said Thursday.
Unlike the brief format The Onion usually devotes to urbanism-related stories, this article is written like a front-page story, with a fake image of Center City being reduced to rubble by demolitions, pull quotes, and even fake quotes from the likes of the real mayor, Jim Kenney. "After taking a look at the competition and figuring we probably have this thing in the bag, we just went ahead and tore down Center City so Amazon can move right in," says the fake quote from the mayor included in the article. More dandies like that follow. "It was definitely bittersweet saying goodbye to the Liberty Bell before our controlled demolition of Independence Hall, but it’s important we encourage businesses to invest in the city," adds Kenney.
Read to the end for a kicker that everyone, save 237 of the 238 total applicants for Amazon's request for proposals, sees coming.
FULL STORY: Confident Philadelphia Officials Preemptively Raze Center City To Make Room For Amazon Headquarters
Petition Seeks Landmark Status for Philadelphia's Four Seasons
Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Was that not clear?
What About the 218 Left Behind By Amazon?
A CityLab article surveys Twitter for the seven stages of Amazon grief.
Friday Funny: The Onion Imagines a Slightly Sympathetic Jeff Bezos
The Onion is satire, so we'll never know if Jeff Bezos felt sorry for any of the cities wasting time and money on a pitch to win Amazon's second headquarters.
Montreal Mall to Become 6,000 Housing Units
Place Versailles will be transformed into a mixed-use complex over the next 25 years.
Planetizen Federal Action Tracker
A weekly monitor of how Trump’s orders and actions are impacting planners and planning in America.
California High-Speed Rail's Plan to Right Itself
The railroad's new CEO thinks he can get the project back on track. The stars will need to align this summer.
Tenant Advocates: Rent Gouging Rampant After LA Wildfires
The Rent Brigade says it's found evidence of thousands of likely instances of rent gouging. In some cases, the landlords accused of exploiting the fires had made campaign donations to those responsible for enforcement.
Seattle’s Upzoning Plan is Ambitious, Light on Details
The city passed a ‘bare-bones’ framework to comply with state housing laws that paves the way for more middle housing, but the debate over how and where to build is just getting started.
DOJ Seeks to End USDOT Affirmative Action Program
The Disadvantaged Business Enterprise Program encouraged contracting with minority- and women-owned businesses in the transportation sector, where these groups are vastly underrepresented.
Urban Design for Planners 1: Software Tools
This six-course series explores essential urban design concepts using open source software and equips planners with the tools they need to participate fully in the urban design process.
Planning for Universal Design
Learn the tools for implementing Universal Design in planning regulations.
City of Camden Redevelopment Agency
City of Astoria
Transportation Research & Education Center (TREC) at Portland State University
City of Camden Redevelopment Agency
Municipality of Princeton (NJ)
Regional Transportation Commission of Southern Nevada