The lengths to which cities have gone, or will go, in their bids to attract the second headquarters for Amazon has produced a cottage industry of media coverage. Satire from The Onion follows that trail to its most explosive of possible ends.
Satirical news website The Onion imagines a world were Philadelphia is so confident that Amazon will located its second headquarters in Philadelphia, that it's willing to raze its entire Center City.
Here’s the lede from a fake news article:
Convinced they will win the highly competitive contest to host the e-commerce giant’s new offices, optimistic local officials have preemptively razed Philadelphia’s entire Center City district to make room for Amazon’s second North American headquarters, sources said Thursday.
Unlike the brief format The Onion usually devotes to urbanism-related stories, this article is written like a front-page story, with a fake image of Center City being reduced to rubble by demolitions, pull quotes, and even fake quotes from the likes of the real mayor, Jim Kenney. "After taking a look at the competition and figuring we probably have this thing in the bag, we just went ahead and tore down Center City so Amazon can move right in," says the fake quote from the mayor included in the article. More dandies like that follow. "It was definitely bittersweet saying goodbye to the Liberty Bell before our controlled demolition of Independence Hall, but it’s important we encourage businesses to invest in the city," adds Kenney.
Read to the end for a kicker that everyone, save 237 of the 238 total applicants for Amazon's request for proposals, sees coming.
Read the full story: Confident Philadelphia Officials Preemptively Raze Center City To Make Room For Amazon Headquarters
Petition Seeks Landmark Status for Philadelphia's Four Seasons
Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Was that not clear?
What About the 218 Left Behind By Amazon?
A CityLab article surveys Twitter for the seven stages of Amazon grief.
Friday Funny: The Onion Imagines a Slightly Sympathetic Jeff Bezos
The Onion is satire, so we'll never know if Jeff Bezos felt sorry for any of the cities wasting time and money on a pitch to win Amazon's second headquarters.
Planetizen Federal Action Tracker
A weekly monitor of how Trump’s orders and actions are impacting planners and planning in America.
Amtrak, CN end decades-long dispute with eight-year agreement
The new operating agreement establishes an updated framework for the companies to work together, including processes to resolve disputes.
Nation's most wind-powered state turns to coal as data centers increase energy demand
For the first time in decades, Iowa has increased its generation of coal power.
Alabama scores up to $2.5 billion federal loan for largest infrastructure project in state’s history
The Mobile River Bridge and Bayway Project aims to ease congestion at Alabama’s worst bottleneck.
Trump is considering data centers on 6 states' public land — some state officials say they had no idea
If the administration approves the proposed projects, data center and data center-related developments will cover 17,600 acres of public land.
Despite court ruling, Trump is keeping nearly all wind projects in the US on hold
At least 110 wind energy projects have not heard from the government since a federal judge ruled that the Trump administration's freeze on wind turbine clearances was likely illegal.
FREE Course: Walkable City 1: Why Walkability?
After describing his path towards focusing on walkability as the essence of good planning, Jeff Speck marches through his five principal reasons for making more walkable places.
Reinventing Malls: Planning Alchemy—Turning Gray Fields Into Gold
The course focuses on the opportunities and imperatives that shape reinvention of mall sites.
KFH Group Inc.
Greater Baltimore Committee
Eagle County Government
The Architects Foundation
University of Cincinnati Online
The Pocatello Development Authority
The Urban Renewal Agency of the City of Pocatello