Friday Funny: What if Bisquick Played the Silicon Valley Real Estate Game?

The Onion's latest satirical effort implements a simple concept: What if Bisquick pursued the same kind of Made-for-the-Silicon-Valley cache as companies like Facebook and Google?

So this fake article imagines the grand opening a "sleek, modern work environment…constructed to foster creativity and innovation":

"The 650,000-square-foot Gehry Partners–designed complex, built to accommodate the baking-mix maker’s growing staff and expansive research division, reportedly includes a soaring seven-story glass atrium, dozens of diversely themed and luxuriously appointed meeting rooms, a state-of-the-art batter lab, and a landscaped 8.5-acre rooftop green space and recreation area."

The article includes a lot more of the outlandish corporate benefits that we have come to expect from the Silicon Valley business environment. And then there's the inevitable public backlash as well:

"'Bisquick is just another one of these Silicon Valley behemoths that moves in and totally changes the community—and not for the better,' said local resident Peter Watson, who noted that the land used for Bisquick’s indoor rock climbing wall used to be open park space that the city sold to help attract the company. 'When I moved here in the ’80s, it was all students and families; now, my whole street is nothing but Bisquick millionaires in their electric cars and luxury penthouses.'"