7 Unpopular Urbanists

1) Kneejerk Civic Booster – This hometown hero knows all the relevant hashtags, all the seasonally-optimized vantage points for sunset photos, and the Latin names of all the native floral and fauna. In this self-proclaimed thought leader's world, politicians, NIMBYs, and developers always consider the public interest, outcomes are always "best possible," and perfect is never the enemy of the good. On the bright side, at least there's always someone at the ready to defend your community from the criticisms of out-of-town journalists.

2) Pedantic Bicycle Advocate – Accident or crash. Protected bike lane or cycletrack. You bet your bicycle seat words matter. For this variety of crusader, sympathy is a one-way street with contra-flow lanes and bike-friendly signal times.

3) Speeding SUV Driver – It's time we stopped referring to people that drive 45 miles per hour through residential neighborhood "commuters" or "soccer moms" and call them what they really are: rampaging sociopaths.

4) Agenda 21 Crusader – There are lots of good reasons for developments to fail and plenty of reasons for citizens to be skeptical of planners and planning processes. A vast international conspiracy organized by the United Nations to threaten the sovereignty of the United States is not one of them.

5) Curbed Comment Troll – Proving Godwin's Law, 365 days a year.

6) Bored Beat Reporter – Who needs facts when you've been on the beat for 30 years and you're equal parts cynical and lazy? This character would literally mail it in—if the news room hadn't sold out and gone digital back in '02.

7) The Mansplaining Manspreader – Patriarchy in the public realm is this dude's bread and butter. No topic of public interest is outside his area of expertise, and no boundaries come included with his concept of personal space.