Friday Funny: The Onion Satirizes our Obsession with 'High Tech Jobs'

In a totally fake news report, satirical site The Onion imagines just how far some policy makers will go to appear like they are attracting techies and innovation.

1 minute read

June 13, 2014, 5:00 AM PDT

By James Brasuell @CasualBrasuell


Boston innovation district banner with lofts

izzointeractive / flickr

This news is not real, but it only slightly exaggerates news you're probably very familiar with: "In an effort to spur their local economies, many state governments are now offering tens of millions of dollars in tax breaks to any person who simply says the words 'high-tech jobs,' according to a survey by the Pew Research Center published Monday."

Other words granted favors include "biotech," "innovation center," "high-skilled workers," and "tomorrow’s economy."

The fake news story puts fake words in the mount of Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton, who explains the his state's policy: "Anyone who can say those words will get all the taxpayer-financed assistance they want, no questions asked. We can also provide tax-free property and generous relocation packages to anyone who recites the phrase 'regional technology hub.' Heck, we’ll raze a nice big plot of land for you in any city in the state at your request. Seriously, we’ll do whatever you want—don’t be afraid to ask."

It's hard to shake the feeling that the satire is a little too well timed with the Bookings Institution's innovation districts study, released earlier this week, for it to be a coincidence.

Monday, June 9, 2014 in The Onion

portrait of professional woman

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching. Mary G., Urban Planner

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching.

Mary G., Urban Planner

Cover CM Credits, Earn Certificates, Push Your Career Forward

Logo for Planetizen Federal Action Tracker with black and white image of U.S. Capitol with water ripple overlay.

Planetizen Federal Action Tracker

A weekly monitor of how Trump’s orders and actions are impacting planners and planning in America.

July 23, 2025 - Diana Ionescu

Rendering of proposed protected bikeway in Santa Clara, California.

Silicon Valley ‘Bike Superhighway’ Awarded $14M State Grant

A Caltrans grant brings the 10-mile Central Bikeway project connecting Santa Clara and East San Jose closer to fruition.

July 17, 2025 - San José Spotlight

Blue and silver Amtrak train with vibrant green and yellow foliage in background.

Amtrak Cutting Jobs, Funding to High-Speed Rail

The agency plans to cut 10 percent of its workforce and has confirmed it will not fund new high-speed rail projects.

July 14, 2025 - Smart Cities Dive

Electric 18-wheeler truck plugged into electric charger.

California Set to Increase Electric Truck Chargers by 25%

The California Transportation Commission approved funding for an additional 500 charging ports for electric trucks along some of the state’s busiest freight corridors.

July 25 - Natural Resources Defense Council

Workers in safety vests installing large solar panels in Southern California desert landscape.

21 Climate Resilience Projects Cancelled by the EPA

The federal government has pulled funding for at least 21 projects related to farming, food systems, and environmental justice to comply with one of Trump’s early executive orders.

July 25 - Civil Eats

Police clearing a homeless encampment in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Trump Executive Order on Homelessness Calls for Forced Institutionalization

The order seeks to remove legal precedents and consent decrees that prevent cities from moving unhoused people from the street to treatment centers.

July 25 - USA Today