Nome, Alaska to Lower 48: What Polar Vortex?

Nome, Alaska - The Office of Mayor Denise Michels released a statement earlier this week in response to claims that this winter was more difficult than normal in many parts of the United States.

Included in the statement: “Which Polar Vortex? Oh, that Polar Vortex? We call that Thursday.”

At a press conference to announce the statement, Mayor Michels asked reporters, “Did you hear what happened in Atlanta?” before slapping her forehead and exhaling pure disgust.

“I just want to offer you all some perspective,” said Mayor Michels. “Here in Nome, the average January temperature is 5.2 °F. That’s -14.9 °C for those of you living it up in Canada all winter long.”

Mayor Michels reminded the Lower 48 that although highs may breach the freezing point 2-4 times per month from December to March, Nome experiences 74-75 days a year when temperatures fall to 0 °F (-18 °C) or lower.

Michels concluded the press conference with an invitation: “If you think you can handle that, you’re welcome in Nome any time. We’ll grab a beer and watch the Seahawks game or something.”