IBM Toughs Destroy Cleveland's Traffic Lights After City Pirates Smart City Technology

The tech giant discovered an illegally obtained version of its smart city application running in the beleaguered Ohio city, optimizing traffic signals. IBM's Enforcement Division responded immediately.

2 minute read

April 1, 2013, 2:00 PM PDT

By Planetizen


Broken Traffic Light

ariel design / Flickr

Armed with basket cranes and baseball bats, IBM's piracy enforcers stormed into downtown Cleveland late Sunday night, bashing almost every traffic signal across the central business district. Terrified residents and local police could only stand on the sidelines as the marauding enforcement crew swiftly and violently destroyed the traffic signals that, with the help of IBM's technology, had just been synchronized to respond to the city's real-time traffic patterns.

"We finally had a bit of order around here," said Stefanie Horton, the city's transportation commissioner, as she watched the strongmen mercilessly smash the red, yellow, and green light bulbs hanging above the intersection of 18th Street and Superior Avenue. "Before it was all mis-timed red lights and extra congestion. I don't know what we'll do now."

City officials acknowledged that the IBM technology installed had indeed been pirated from a popular file sharing website. "Our population's been cut nearly in half since the '70s, we've got 8.5% unemployment and an economic model that's growing more irrelevant by the day," said an exasperated Mayor Frank Jackson. "We need any little help we can get. I know that's no excuse for pirating software, but come on. Is it really going to kill IBM if Cleveland's traffic is optimized?"

IBM officials had no comment, but one of the enforcement crew had little compassion Sunday night as he proceeded to smash the signals just across from the city offices. "You don't get to be a smart city unless we let you be a smart city!" he cried, taking one final swing before lowering the crane and driving off into the night.

Monday, April 1, 2013 in Planetizen April 1st Edition

portrait of professional woman

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching. Mary G., Urban Planner

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching.

Mary G., Urban Planner

Use Code 25for25 at checkout for 25% off an annual plan!

Logo for Planetizen Federal Action Tracker with black and white image of U.S. Capitol with water ripple overlay.

Planetizen Federal Action Tracker

A weekly monitor of how Trump’s orders and actions are impacting planners and planning in America.

May 14, 2025 - Diana Ionescu

Front of Walmart store with sign.

Walmart Announces Nationwide EV Charging Network

The company plans to install electric car chargers at most of its stores by 2030.

May 7, 2025 - Inc.

Aerial view of Chicago with river in foreground.

Chicago Approves Green Affordable Housing Plan

The Mayor’s plan calls for creating a nonprofit housing corporation tasked with building affordable housing that meets Green Building standards.

May 8, 2025 - CBS News Chicago

Close-up on e-scooters parked in painted designated parking area on city street.

E-Scooter Parking: A Guide

How smart planning — and ample designated parking — can end conflicts over shared scooters.

May 14 - Streetsblog USA

Aerial view of Bozeman, Montana with mountains in background.

‘It’s Been 50 years’: Public Transit Law Passes in Montana

Legislation would fix transportation district issue, allow for greater reach on city bus routes.

May 14 - Daily Montanan

Illustration of nighttime city with white lines connecting nodes to illustrate technology and connectivity

Top 10 Tech-Ready Cities

An index ranks U.S. cities based on their preparedness for the ‘smart city future.’

May 14 - Smart Cities Dive