A new report titled “Geographic Determination of Deviatory Isochronism,” from the forthcoming issue of the Journal of Relativity employs several new metrics to expand on previous studies of the widely reported phenomenon of the New York Minute.
The report expands on an earlier study by Johnny Carson, which defined the New York Minute as “the interval between a Manhattan traffic light turning green and the guy behind you honking his horn.” The new study claims that the nature of the New York Minute has changed, even if its duration hasn’t.
From the report’s abstract: “Although cabs have slowed, more transportation occurs at human-scale speeds on bikes, and private automobiles seem to be heeding the ‘twenty is plenty’ guerilla traffic calming campaign, the New York Minute remains as prevalent as ever.”
“I don’t know if it’s hustle or bustle, but New York has still got it!” proclaims the report in a moment of unabashed civic enthusiasm.
As an alternative measure, the report proposes a new definition for the New York Minute: “A $500 bill from Bloomberg Associates.”