Unable to Distribute High Speed Rail Money, LaHood Throws Awesome Party

As state officials turn down or return federal money intended for high speed rail projects, Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood used this seemingly unwanted funding to throw an epic party in Las Vegas.

Poolside, in between kegstands, LaHood told reporters that he had to respect the wishes of government officials like Florida's Governor Rick Scott, who recently rejected $2.4 billion in federal high speed rail money.

"If nobody wants it, we might as well use it for something that benefits the American people. This party is benefitting a whole lot of Americans here today," said LaHood who then turned to the crowd. "Am I right, ladies?"

Loud screams erupted, and a bikini top was thrown just inches over the head of LaHood.

"So we can't build a high speed rail line," LaHood conceded. "But we can do a conga line!"

Full Story: Unable to Distribute High Speed Rail Money, LaHood Throws Awesome Party

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