Friday Funny: County Surveyor Remains Humble, Despite Awesome Power

"My fellow citizens of Wayne County, thank you. You have entrusted me with a sacred duty—the most-honored position of surveyor for the entire county of Wayne, which includes the cities of Portage, Clara, Allerton, and Dixon, as well as many, many townships. As reelection approaches, let me once again assure you that I will never allow this awesome responsibility to affect my humility or in any way impair my service to you."

"Not even if I go down in the history books as one of the greatest, longest-serving, and most beloved county surveyors in Maryland history."

"While it does not affect me in the slightest, I can understand how some might find being sole protector of more than 900 miles of county-regulated drains impressive. Sexy, even. But I did not get into the county surveyor business to sign autographs or to have my name in the Wayne Ledger three times this year."

"Worry not, O ye common masses of Wayne County and its outlying areas. I vow never to be one of these men who walks around like he owns one of 12 seats in the county planning commission's bimonthly meetings."