For the Sake of Santa, Please Don't Build Any More Suburbs

Santa is sounding the alarm: "Christmas is in jeopardy.” What's making St. Nick a little less jolly this year? New analysis shows that suburban development patterns are driving up costs at the North Pole, say Paul Knight and Kevin Clark.

2 minute read

December 25, 2012, 9:00 AM PST

By Jonathan Nettler @nettsj


According to analysis conducted by the North Pole Research and Development organization, and announced at an emergency meeting at the United Nations, the work of Santa and his support staff is being stymied by the inefficiencies of suburban growth patterns.

"Before the 1950’s, Americans typically lived in either urban or rural environs. This pattern allowed Santa and his staff to organize a two-pronged Christmas Eve flight: the first prong took place in cities and the second prong took place between cities. In cities both large and small Santa had access to a large number of chimneys within a short amount of time. The R&D group referred to this measure as the “Cookies per Acre” ratio (a term Santa, until today, preferred to keep a secret, especially from Mrs. Claus). With these cities spaced by large swaths of agriculture, Santa could nap between the higher-density areas and put the sleigh on auto-pilot," explain Knight and Clark.

"Now, after decades of suburban growth, Santa and his operation is on the verge of total collapse according to the R&D group. As Santa spoke to a shocked assembly, he explained, in a not-so-jolly way, that suburban sprawl has been devastating to his Christmas Eve flight efficiency. He noted a number of challenges he finds in the suburbs ranging from the poor neighborhood layouts and total lack of connected street networks to the issue of not being able to tell one house apart from another."

Before concluding the meeting Santa implored the world's leaders to ensure more compact development - for the sake of the children. “Insist that your government officials enact regulations to support mixed-use communities with small, connected blocks,” Santa said. “This is the only way I can hope to continue my Christmas operation in the future.”

Friday, December 21, 2012 in paullknight.com

portrait of professional woman

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching. Mary G., Urban Planner

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching.

Mary G., Urban Planner

Cover CM Credits, Earn Certificates, Push Your Career Forward

Logo for Planetizen Federal Action Tracker with black and white image of U.S. Capitol with water ripple overlay.

Planetizen Federal Action Tracker

A weekly monitor of how Trump’s orders and actions are impacting planners and planning in America.

July 16, 2025 - Diana Ionescu

Green vintage Chicago streetcar from the 1940s parked at the Illinois Railroad Museum in 1988.

Chicago’s Ghost Rails

Just beneath the surface of the modern city lie the remnants of its expansive early 20th-century streetcar system.

July 13, 2025 - WTTV

Blue and silver Amtrak train with vibrant green and yellow foliage in background.

Amtrak Cutting Jobs, Funding to High-Speed Rail

The agency plans to cut 10 percent of its workforce and has confirmed it will not fund new high-speed rail projects.

July 14, 2025 - Smart Cities Dive

Worker in yellow safety vest and hard hat looks up at servers in data center.

Ohio Forces Data Centers to Prepay for Power

Utilities are calling on states to hold data center operators responsible for new energy demands to prevent leaving consumers on the hook for their bills.

July 18 - Inside Climate News

Former MARTA CEO Collie Greenwood standing in front of MARTA HQ with blurred MARTA sign visible in background.

MARTA CEO Steps Down Amid Citizenship Concerns

MARTA’s board announced Thursday that its chief, who is from Canada, is resigning due to questions about his immigration status.

July 18 - WABE

Rendering of proposed protected bikeway in Santa Clara, California.

Silicon Valley ‘Bike Superhighway’ Awarded $14M State Grant

A Caltrans grant brings the 10-mile Central Bikeway project connecting Santa Clara and East San Jose closer to fruition.

July 17 - San José Spotlight