The tech giant discovered an illegally obtained version of its smart city application running in the beleaguered Ohio city, optimizing traffic signals. IBM's Enforcement Division responded immediately.
Armed with basket cranes and baseball bats, IBM's piracy enforcers stormed into downtown Cleveland late Sunday night, bashing almost every traffic signal across the central business district. Terrified residents and local police could only stand on the sidelines as the marauding enforcement crew swiftly and violently destroyed the traffic signals that, with the help of IBM's technology, had just been synchronized to respond to the city's real-time traffic patterns.
"We finally had a bit of order around here," said Stefanie Horton, the city's transportation commissioner, as she watched the strongmen mercilessly smash the red, yellow, and green light bulbs hanging above the intersection of 18th Street and Superior Avenue. "Before it was all mis-timed red lights and extra congestion. I don't know what we'll do now."
City officials acknowledged that the IBM technology installed had indeed been pirated from a popular file sharing website. "Our population's been cut nearly in half since the '70s, we've got 8.5% unemployment and an economic model that's growing more irrelevant by the day," said an exasperated Mayor Frank Jackson. "We need any little help we can get. I know that's no excuse for pirating software, but come on. Is it really going to kill IBM if Cleveland's traffic is optimized?"
IBM officials had no comment, but one of the enforcement crew had little compassion Sunday night as he proceeded to smash the signals just across from the city offices. "You don't get to be a smart city unless we let you be a smart city!" he cried, taking one final swing before lowering the crane and driving off into the night.
FULL STORY: IBM Toughs Destroy Cleveland's Traffic Lights After City Pirates Smart City Technology
Depopulation Patterns Get Weird
A recent ranking of “declining” cities heavily features some of the most expensive cities in the country — including New York City and a half-dozen in the San Francisco Bay Area.
California Exodus: Population Drops Below 39 Million
Never mind the 40 million that demographers predicted the Golden State would reach by 2018. The state's population dipped below 39 million to 38.965 million last July, according to Census data released in March, the lowest since 2015.
Chicago to Turn High-Rise Offices into Housing
Four commercial buildings in the Chicago Loop have been approved for redevelopment into housing in a bid to revitalize the city’s downtown post-pandemic.
New Park Opens in the Santa Clarita Valley
The City of Santa Clarita just celebrated the grand opening of its 38th park, the 10.5-acre Skyline Ranch Park.
U.S. Supreme Court: California's Impact Fees May Violate Takings Clause
A California property owner took El Dorado County to state court after paying a traffic impact fee he felt was exorbitant. He lost in trial court, appellate court, and the California Supreme Court denied review. Then the U.S. Supreme Court acted.
How Urban Form Impacts Housing Affordability
The way we design cities affects housing costs differently than you might think.
City of Costa Mesa
Licking County
Barrett Planning Group LLC
HUD's Office of Policy Development and Research
Mpact Transit + Community
HUD's Office of Policy Development and Research
City of Universal City TX
ULI Northwest Arkansas
Town of Zionsville
Urban Design for Planners 1: Software Tools
This six-course series explores essential urban design concepts using open source software and equips planners with the tools they need to participate fully in the urban design process.
Planning for Universal Design
Learn the tools for implementing Universal Design in planning regulations.